On Tuesday, the Westfield Southgate Mall in Sarasota, Florida was evacuated and shut down for two hours, when a MYSTERIOUS WHITE POWDER was found outside a LensCrafters.
The mall was reopened when officials determined they weren't dealing with anthrax or anything like that. No, they were dealing with . . . HUMAN ASHES.
Apparently, a man had brought his dead wife's ashes to the mall to scatter them . . . and he dumped them where he did because his wife had a, quote, "connection to LensCrafters."
The police didn't specify what the connection is, and it's probably that the woman worked at that LensCrafters or something . . . but we'd LIKE to believe it's because the woman felt a deep, spiritual connection to quick, cheap glasses.
The man could be facing charges and might have to pay the costs from the evacuation, Hazmat testing, and cleanup.